I was sitting at Adoration last night marveling at how calm I felt, with the knowledge that our school year begins in just a few days. The lesson plans are made, books are purchased, and school supplies are fully stocked. A few odds and ends are left to tend to, but I should be able to tackle those tomorrow.

With the logistics more or less squared away, I turned my thoughts to my Mother's Rule of Life. This has been a struggle for me. I've begun, quit, and begun again, so many times I've lost count. I have every intention of diving back in, come Monday, but I know deep down that I'll fail. God, in His infinite wisdom, chose that moment of doubt to speak to me through Dom Huber van Zeller's book, Holiness: a guide for beginners:

"The only thing that can get you to sanctity is God's grace. You will need all the strength of mind you have just to work together with God's grace, but if you imagine that making good, strong resolutions will carry you the whole way, you are wrong. About the first thing to happen will be that God lets you break some of those good, strong resolutions before you get properly started. This will be to put you in your place, and show you that you can do nothing without Him.

Once you are decently humbled, knowing that left to yourself you cannot even carry out the things that you very much want to carry out, you are getting ready to be used. You are being softened up like a steak. When all the toughness and pride and glamorized ideas of holiness have been beaten out of you by the down-to-earth action of truth, then God has got something there on which He can work. Without false notions and fancy plans, you can now begin to fall in with the true notions of holiness and with the plan God has in mind for you."

Although I've read this book, at least twice, somehow I just didn't get it before. I'm not the one in control, God is. And if it's not perfect, and I fail, it's all part of the plan. This is a great relief to me, and terribly inspiring. Part of cooperation with God's will includes the bending of my own. I need to let God work through me instead of me trying to be the boss.

More wise words from van Zeller speak directly to me:

"A quite ordinary duty, such as writing a letter of thanks or getting up at the right time in the morning, can give great glory to God. It is answering to His will. The ordinariness of the actual job is raised so that it shares in the obedience of Christ. From the tip of the pen (if we are writing that letter), glory is flowing out to God; from the effort to throw off the sheets (if it is that duty of getting up), there is an immediate output of glory to God. At every instant of the day, doing what we have to do because God wills us to do it, we are handling glory."

So, my simple efforts can bring greater glory to God. Each little bit that I contribute, perfect or no, can build up the Kingdom. What a powerful and profound thought! My actions do make a difference, not only for my own soul, but for the souls of others. The key here is that I actually do those actions, instead of giving into sloth.

Fr. John Hardon defines sloth as the "sluggishness of soul or boredom of the exertion necessary for the performance of any good work." He also says, "This kind of laziness is directly opposed to the love of God and is one of the main reasons why some people, perhaps after years of virtuous living, give up in the pursuit of holiness, or even become estranged from God."

I have no desire to become estranged from God, which is a good point to remember the next time the thought, "I don't feel like it," rears its ugly head. What am I willing to do for the Kingdom of God?

God speaks to us in many ways. Tonight He steered me in the direction of some holy authors who said exactly what I needed to hear. But I must look for Him in the less obvious places, too. And perhaps it is in that odd place that sums it up best of all. As the Nike ad says, "Just Do It." Wise words that I will start implementing, NOW.